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A PIG SNOUT

September 16, 2016

 

I was a fat kid, a chubby tween, a chunky teen and then, bits and pieces somehow settled in the right places. Sort of.

 

Pants. If it fitted around my hips, it was 4” to 5” to big around my waist. If it would fit around my waist, I could not even get it up over my hips so it was a moot point anyway.

 

Dresses and skirts. If fitted below the waist, same scenario. Above the waist there was a little more balance.

 

A lifetime of sport and being a gym rat didn’t help but oh boy, aging has its perks. One day I realized my pants fitted both hips and waist which was neat. But at a cost. I didn’t mind losing that waistline and everything was peachy if I lay on my back or stood up but the minute I sat down, there would appear a 2” ridge of lard below my sternum resting comfortably on something resembling an 8 inch rubber exercise ball. Stand up and engage abs, ridge and rubber ball all but disappears. Sit down and engage all you want, ridge and rubber ball returns.

 

Trade off.

 

One day, there I sat, deep in thought with my hands cupped around my “ball.” How to get rid of it? I pondered the various options on offer.

 

Tummy tuck………………..aaiheeeee…..

 

Lip Suction…………………ouch…….

 

Freezing the fat …………….mmmmmm……

 

When through the door came the HOTH aka the Captain. He took one look and said, “If you give me a black marker I could put little round black dots on each side of your navel and you’d have a perfect pig snout.”

I guess it says something for our relationship that I’m still laughing, especially when he lovingly pinches The

 

Pig’s Snout as he walks past.

 

P.S. I didn’t always have this peach with my body issues…..

 

 

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